I haven't changed at all. THEY have. THEY have completely cut me off from their life, only telling me things after my persistent begging. I am so sick and tired of forcing a relationship, but I really don't want to lose a friendship that is so important to me. I know though, that after a while, it's time for me to give up and let go, but I don't know when that time is. It already seems like its been weeks (and I think it has) so at what point do I just give up totally and erase this person from my life, just as they've already done to me?

Damn. It's hard to believe that the six weeks of my summer that I was originally dreading are over. The first day that I arrived in New York for orientation was not only scary, but really difficult. It's not easy to be in a huge room filled with 42 other teenagers (where most of them already know a lot of the people there) alone. At first I just kind of stayed by my stuff pretending to text someone so it looked like I had something to do, but after two minutes or so I forced myself to go up to a group of four girls and introduce myself. Luckily, I made friends right away, though it was still incredibly awkward. We did the normal ice breaker stuff and were assigned roommates for the night and then the next day we were off to Prague. (Or Praha as the natives call it.)

I am going to miss just about every person on that trip. We all bonded so closly. I guess that starting off a six week adventure with visiting five different concentration camps and sobbing together does that to you. Last night I had to leave the group before they all boarded the plane back to NY because my parents forced me to stay an extra week in Israel with my family. I cried so hard it's ridiculous. When you're with the same people for six weeks, 24 hours a day, you become a family and it was so difficult to leave them. Of course, I'll be living on facebook for a while to tell people how much I miss them, but it's not the same. Leaving sucked.

Other than thattttttttttttttttt, I'm kind of sick which really blows. I had a fever of 102.5 the other day and now it feels like my throat is nine times bigger than it should be. On top of that, I have to stay with my cousins who are probably going to ditch me all week. And theres a two year old boy here who cries every half hour starting at like 5:30am.

Anyway, I miss everyone terribly. I can't wait to get back home and hang out with everyone. Tell me what's been going on! I want to hear from you!

Well, it's over. High school ended with mixed feelings of anxiety and excitement, but since finding out that I got a 76.4 percent on my senior math final, (I normally get around 40 percents on math exams) and that my grade is now a C, all anxiety is gone. It's scary to think that the next four years or so of my education will be determining my future, and any serious mistakes in classes are unforgivable. But it's hard to think about that too much, knowing that high school went out with such a loud bang.

I studied for a total of seven hours for my Precalc exam, so it was relieving that I was leaving for a USY convention at lunch that same day. Spring Convention was amazing. It's a lame word, but I can't describe it any other way. I was voted MVP on a day of athletic activities, (and there were numerous strong, basketball playing boys on my team!) I reunited with about fifteen of my friends, I danced with Brandon, and I cried my eyes out during the last service. Overall, it was possibly the best weekend of the school year.

Now that it's summer, I'm trying to keep myself busy until June 23rd when I leave for Poland, Hungary, the Czech Republic, and Israel. Unfortunately, I'm already bored out of my mind. I've spent the last two days cleaning the house, hanging out with Valerie, (wtf.) and watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians.

Anyway, I hope that you all have an exciting and relaxing summer vacation and that I see everyone before I leave!